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Key Leadership Lessons from the Game of Thrones Badass Women

August 8, 2017 by Tamara Leave a Comment

The long awaited penultimate season of HBO’s Game of Thrones has begun, and women have take center stage. This season is a showcase of amazingly badass women who have risen and are playing the ‘Game of Thrones’. Each has her own story, personality, crosses to bear, and approach to leadership.

Recently, someone said to me, “We all know what a leader should be!” And I responded by asking, “Do we?”

Potentially great leaders run the risk of getting trapped into leading the way leaders are “expected’ to lead. People expect leaders to be archetypal; strong, confident, outspoken, extroverted, and assertive. But it’s a trap. When I was a young leader, I relied heavily on the leadership archetype and I wasn’t nearly as effective as I wanted to be. Over the years, I had to learn how to lead, and be true to myself. I had to develop new skills, and diversify my approach to leadership.

There is more than way to approach leadership, and each can be equally effective. This season of Game of Thrones is a great example of that as each women demonstrates a very different approach to leadership, from the unscrupulous tactics of Cersei Lannister to the more altruistic (but ruthless when necessary, for example this week’s episode 4) approach of Daenerys Targaryen.

And while they each approach leadership differently, there is something to learn from each of them. I’ve identified ten, that’s right ten, women who are a badass in their own right and have something to teach us about leadership.

(If you’re not up for reading today, scroll down for the slide deck summary!)

Here they are:

#1 Lady Lyanna Mormont: Don’t let age and inexperience get in your way.

Young Lady Mormont appeared for the first time in Season 6, and has quickly become known to steal every scene that she is in. She rules with clarity and decisiveness at the tender age of 11 (or 12). She does not let her let her youth and inexperience get in the way; she might be small, but she is mighty. Many of you may be in a leadership position for the first time and feel insecure or uncertain about it. You may be young and have less experience than your peers, or in some cases, your direct reports. It is important to believe that you were selected to lead for a reason and to trust those who put you there. Do the best you can with what you know, lead with confidence and character knowing you will do better the longer you are in leadership.

#2 Sansa Stark: Define your own leadership identity, incorporating lessons from all that you have learned, both the good and the bad.

No other character has suffered more than Sansa Stark, watching her journey has been painful. It wasn’t until the end of last season that we could begin to see the light at the end of a very dark tunnel. Used as a pawn in the Game of Thrones, Sansa has encountered some powerful, and unbelievably sadistic and evil leaders. Now that she is no longer in bondage, she has taken control of her own destiny and is ready to lead. It is time for her find a way to reconcile her experiences with the more ethical morals and values instilled in her by her family. She knows now that leading as her father and brother Robert had will not lead them to victory. She said it herself, “It’s what got them killed…we have to be smarter.” She is going to take what she has learned from both the good and bad examples of leadership she’s experienced; she knows that there are valuable lessons to be learnt from both. Leadership is a journey, not a destination so as we seek to define our own leadership we must remember all of the experiences we have had, and resist becoming synical, and just be smarter and better than those who came before us.

#3 Meera Reed: Be a servant leader, serve others before you serve yourself.

More often than not when Meera was on screen she was porting around Bran Stark. She was first introduced to us with her brother JoJen, when they were seeking out Bran. She was a fierce and loyal protector for her brother, and carried on to do the same for Bran. She is the best example of Servant Leadership, an approach to leadership marked by a leader’s commitment to serve others, being a servant first. And like no other women in GoT, Meera has been silently serving and protecting Bran for a larger purpose, to fight the White Walkers and save human kind. Bran is essential to the war and ensuring his safety is paramount to her. The important lesson from this rarely seen and heard leader, is that you do not need a title to lead, and helping those who do achieve a common vision is equally valuable and empowering. Be a servant first and be willing to do the work without expectation of reward or recognition, but because it is what serves the mission or vision. Your time to lead will come soon enough.

#4 Daenerys Targaryen: Craft a vision, and then have the patience and willingness to do what it takes to make your vision a reality.

We learned in the very first season that this young woman was more than a pawn to be played in a man’s war. She laid out her vision to return to Westeros to claim her birthright to the throne. And now that we are nearly at the end we see Daenerys return to her homeland with the tools and resources she needs to realize her vision. Great leaders must have a vision, and be patient and willing to do the work necessary to make it reality. Daenerys took the time to build up a loyal army and prove herself to be a suitable queen. She did not return to Westeros until she had done the work. Visions are not realized over night, not even the best ones. Make time to craft a vision, and include your team. Next use that vision to identify the resources you need to make it a reality, then make and implement a plan that will allow you and your team to take the necessary steps to realize the vision. Remember it will take time so have realistic expectations.

#5 Arya Stark: Preparedness. Patience. Perseverance.

Arya Stark has probably been the character I have loved to watch grow up and evolve the most. At a young age she saw her father decapitated and was forced to go out into the world on her own. Recognizing the injustice of her family’s deaths, she has had a single mission to defy societal expectations to become a warrior and seek revenge on all those who brought harm to her and her family. Now that we are close to the end we see that Arya has taken her mission quite seriously. She teaches us to be prepared and patient, and to persevere. She sought out those who could teach her to fight and be prepared, she was patient and took the time to be trained, and she persevered through some painful and tough lessons. No matter your approach to leadership, preparedness, patience, and perseverance will be a benefit to achieve your goals and making an impact.

#6 Lady Olenna Tyrell: Honesty and Transparency will take you far.

Lady Tyrell was bold, and lived longer than any other member of her family. Her ability to outlive the others can probably be most attributed to her being smart and strategic, but what we loved most about her was her ability to be brutally honest. More often than not, her honesty came with a bit of wit and sarcasm, but we could always rely on her to tell the truth. And that is an admirable quality in any leader. Honesty with good intentions and tact will take you very far. It allows you to create transparency among those you lead and build trust. When you are consistently honest and transparent, people will respect and trust you. Too many leaders and organizations hoard and hide information and the result is distrust. But remember, you are not Lady Tyrell so have a little more tact.

#7 Brienne of Tarth: Be Brave. Be Courageous. Be Loyal.

From the first moment we met Brienne, we knew she was going to be a fierce and loyal warrior. It was early in season 2 that she pledged her loyalty to Catelyn Stark and her daughters. She then spent several seasons searching for Arya and Sansa, fighting off many a foe, taking down the Hound and even fighting a bear. Now that she has rescued Sansa and returned her to Winterfell, you can better believe Sansa isn’t going to be anyone’s “bitch” EVER AGAIN. Followers want that same level of loyalty from their leaders, and that takes courage and bravery to be there for your team. Be willing and able to take on their enemies and fight anyone who threatens their security. That’s leadership.

#8 Yara Greyjoy-Believe in yourself, even when others don’t.

Queen Yara Greyjoy is tough! But she is also a smart and strategic thinker and destined to be the leader of the Iron Islands. And despite the fact that her father had little respect and trust for her, she fought for what she believed was right and earned her position as the Queen of the Iron Islands. It is important to know your worth and not to let others, even those close to you, discourage you from doing what you believe is right and striving for what you know you are capable of doing. Believe in yourself.

#9 Sand Snakes: Hone Your Craft and Sharpen Your Tools.

When we first met these three sisters, and I was immediately taken by their badass fighting skills. The Sand Snakes, Obara, Nymeria, and Tyene, are the daughters of Prince Oberyn Martell from Dorne and have been expertly trained in combat. Each has their own weapon of choice that they wield; Obara a spear, Nymeria a bullwhip, and Tyenne short daggers. They remind us that it is important for leaders to be experts, not only in your industry, but in leadership. Great leaders should have a variety of weapons or tools they use to effectively lead others. Take the time to learn to be a great leader. Increase your skills in communication, conflict resolution, emotional and cultural intelligence, team building and group dynamics, and continually sharpen them.

#10 Cersei Lannister-Treat people with respect. Karma is swift and just.

If this show has taught us anything, it is that that titles and power are fleeting, but the impact we have on others lasts a lifetime. So leadership isn’t about position, but how we use our influence to impact others. Cersei has ruled the Seven Kingdoms, as the Queen and the Queen Mother, and she rules with cutthroat brute force, and paid a very high price for it. While it may seem there is little to be learned from Cersei’s approach to leadership, there is actually much to be learned. Most importantly is karma, and that what you put out is what you get back. Leadership is about relationships, not brute force. Effective leaders lead with integrity, and build mutually beneficial and respectful relationships and alliances. Now that the series is coming to an end and we are anticipating the final fight for the throne, Cersei is left with virtually no allies. All those bridges have been burnt and more than likely she will end up all alone with nothing. And while the expression “It’s lonely at the top” is common, it doesn’t have to be true. Leaders who are ambitious, patient, loyal, courageous, confident, forward thinking, strategic, well prepared, well trained, and in service to others will find themselves surrounded by people who trust and respect them, and will never be lonely. So surround yourself with great people and treat them well.

So as you develop your own leadership, be intentional about your approach to leadership. Don’t get trapped in the leadership archetype, consider your own values and beliefs and the impact you want to have on others. Take lessons from those around you and lead with confidence and know-how.

Here it all is summarized in a slide deck:

And if you have never seen the Game of Thrones, now might be a good time to start.

Check out my Game of Thrones posts from 2015: A Game of Thrones Lens on Leadership

Top 5 Mistakes Potentially Effective Leaders Make

June 12, 2017 by Tamara Leave a Comment

Not having the impact you want to have as a leader? Don’t worry, you are part of a very large (and common) club of leaders who have great intentions, but struggle to get it right from the start. I know, every time I sit down to coach or train a new client, they share the same stories…“my team resists my ideas…upper management won’t take me seriously…my team isn’t ambitious…I have to do everything myself…I’m frustrated!!!!”

Yup!

You are not alone. I’ve heard your stories and recognize that so many of you are on the cusp of greatness. BUT you are making the same mistakes! And you can stop and start being more effective immediately.

Here the Top 5 Mistakes Potentially Effective Leaders Make and the SOLUTIONS:

#1: Do-It-Yourself

Too often leaders end up doing a lot of DIY and resist delegating! Reasons why leaders don’t delegate come down to just a couple of things:

Leaders don’t trust their team to get the job done.
Leaders think (or know) they can do it better and faster.

Either way, the result is that leaders have too much work and their followers don’t feel empowered or trusted. When followers feel that way they will resist most of your efforts to lead.

Effective leaders learn to trust their team.Period. This means creating opportunities for them to get the job done. Their way! Not the way you would do it. Leaders can set expectations and quality standards, but have to give their team space and opportunity to do it differently and perhaps come out with a different result, for better or for worse.

One of my favorite quotes says it best:

Management is about arranging and telling. Leadership is about nurturing and enhancing. —Author, Tom Peters

Effective leaders nurture and enhance their followers by cultivating an environment where they feel safe and comfortable to fail, learn and grow. It is essential to building trust. So stop doing it all yourself and let others give it a try, and support them (as needed) along the way.

#2: Too Much Talking

There is a reason for having one mouth and two ears. Listening is probably the most underutilized tool you have in your kit, yet it is one of your most critical and powerful tools. Most leaders feel pressure to solve problems, speak up, or stand out and do so by TALKING.

Effective leaders should spend more time listening, listening well, AND talking less.

Listening to your team will help you understand their individual needs, goals, and areas for growth. It also empowers them to contribute and learn from one another. It builds confidence and self-reliance, and your team will be less dependent on you.

Did you know that, on average, managers spend up to 25% of their time managing conflict? Listening is a quick and easy tool to use to manage and resolve conflict. When a member of your team comes to you to complain about another employee, they usually want one of two things:

To vent
To get a solution

If they want to vent, that only requires you to listen (and put a time limit on that). If they want a solution, then listen and help them find their own solution. They are are grown-ups! Just because you are in charge does not mean you have to have ALL of the answers.

#3: Vision

I hear it all of the time, “I have so many ideas now that I’m in charge!” And I believe you, and I also believe that they are probably good, if not, great ideas. But then I typically hear, “But no one cares! How do I get my ideas heard?”

If that is you, the answer is simple. No one cares about your vision. People care about THEIR vision. Effective leaders have to bridge the gap between their vision and their team’s vision by creating a shared vision.

It is not enough for you to have a vision, your team has to be equally passionate about realizing it. If you can work with your team to create a shared vision then you will see an increase in the level of engagement and commitment your team has for the vision.

Another favorite quote of mine is by Lao Tzu:

Go to the people. Live with them. Learn from them. Love them. Start with what they know. Build with what they have. But with the best leaders, when the work is done, the task accomplished, the people will say ‘We have done this ourselves.

Most people want to make a difference and have an impact so they need to see how their contributions fit into the goals and future of the organization, its mission, and vision. Click here for a quick video and downloads to help you create a shared vision with your team.

#4: Failure to Launch

What does that mean? Failure to Launch describes the challenge of facing adulthood. And in this case, it’s the challenge of fully embracing and rising up to the challenge of leadership. You can be your own greatest enemy by holding back. I hear excuses like, “I’m new… I’m young… I’ve never done this before!”

SO WHAT?

Let that go! You’re the one who just got put into the position of leadership so accept and appreciate the responsibility you’ve been given and do the job. Know you will make some mistakes. And trust that you will recover from them.

Leadership comes with a lot of uncertainty and ambiguity, and effective leaders learn to live in that space. You won’t always know what you are doing, you will wing it, and fake it when you have to, but in the end, you will learn and grow. But if you do nothing, you won’t.

And if you want support facing the challenges of leadership, you have some choices:

Seek out the help and support of a mentor.
Get the guidance of an Executive Coach.
Take a training to develop your skill set.

#5: Impatience

Patience is a virtue!

Not only is a virtue, but it is a vital leadership and intercultural competency. By nature, I’m a pretty impatient person and I had to learn to be more patient to be a better leader.

Everyone is different. Some people talk more, some talk less. Some people learn quickly, and others need more time. Some of your team members may want more feedback, others less. Whatever it is, there are a variety of qualities and characteristics that make the people you lead different from you. It isn’t your job as a leader to make them more like you, it’s your job to make them the best version of themselves which requires PATIENCE.

When you are more patient with others, they will feel more supported, and in time, you will feel less frustrated.

It is time for you to tap into your potential, and be more effective. It is not too late. None of these mistakes are irrevocable. With a little bit of time and practice you can have the impact you want to have as a leader. Just replace old behaviors with new behaviors and in time they will become more natural.

So rather than…

Doing it yourself, trust others to get it done.
Talking, take time to listen.
Pushing your vision, create a shared vision.
Holding pack, step up.
Being impatient, take step back, breath, and practice patience.

Unleash your potential and be a more effective leader today.

Time to Mentor Up

April 13, 2017 by Tamara Leave a Comment

How’s your mentoring game?

Earlier this month, I was one of the selected mentors for my local Business Journals #MentoringMonday event and Women’s Summit. As always, I relish every opportunity to mentor professionals who are looking to develop professionally.

It was set up like a “speed dating” event, with short 7 minute mentoring sessions. Throughout the event, I had a steady line up of young professional women looking for mentoring. Of course, they were Millennials who were exploring career changes, or young leaders facing the day to day challenges of leadership.

One shared with me that she was struggling with what she described as her teams “lack of ambition”. She told me that her organization is growing, and there are lots of opportunities for people on her team to move up. She has encouraged several people to take on more responsibility, but they aren’t following through. As a leader, she is feeling frustrated that they don’t share her level of ambition and drive. She asked, “How can I make them more ambitious?”

But my question was, “How exactly are you encouraging them?”

Her response, “We talk about the opportunity, they say they’ll do what it takes, and they don’t.”

Understandably, it’s disappointing when folks don’t take our advice. But sometimes words just aren’t enough! Some people need a bit more guidance, a bit more mentoring. Mentoring isn’t about sprinkling words of encouragement or wisdom on folks and hoping that the magic works. Mentoring is a process, not an event. So you have to step up your game, take your mentoring to the next level. It’s time to Mentor Up!

Motivating and encouraging others takes more than words, it takes intention and purpose. Here are five key strategies to upping your mentoring game and having a greater impact as a mentor.

#1: Create some structure

When you enter into a mentoring relationship with someone, it is critical to create some structure for the relationship. Start by asking them if they want to be mentored, and then determine how it will work. When will you meet? Where? How often? How long? etc

#2: Set SMART goals

Mentoring is most effective when the relationship has goals. Make sure the goals are SMART; Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time bound. Both the mentor and mentee should have goals and hold each other accountable for reaching them.

#3: Be available and responsive

It is important for mentors be available and responsive. Be there for your mentee when they have questions or concerns, don’t let emails sit unanswered in your inbox. If you don’t have their back, it is easier for them to feel discouraged.

#4: Guide and assist

A mentor’s job is to guide and assist, not direct. People have to take action in their own best interest, you can’t do it for them. You can give them the information, provide them the opportunity, and make the introductions, but what they do with it and how they do it is entirely up to them.

#5: Share your own successes and failures

Mentors are perfect, they’re human. It is our own experiences, good and bad, that are a benefit to our mentees. Be willing to be open and vulnerable, and share your own stories with your mentees. While you want your mentor to respect you, it is important that they can see themselves following in your footsteps.

There are lots of times when mentoring is spontaneous, and your words are “magical”, but great leaders are also great mentors. Step up your mentoring and build it into your leadership as a regular practice. It is vital to not only the strengthening of your team, but also increasing their level of engagement and job satisfaction. People may not always share your ambition, but most people want to learn and grow. If you want to see people on your team advance then Mentor Up, and take your mentoring to the next level.

Live and Lead with Purpose: 4 Questions you need to ask yourself

March 7, 2017 by Tamara Leave a Comment

Do you know your purpose?

To be great, your life and leadership require purpose. It is that simple.

Without purpose both life and leadership are messy and dissatisfying. So why is it that so many of you are going through life without knowing your purpose? More than likely, it is because no one told you how important it actually is, or how to find it.

If you are feeling stuck or dissatisfied with your life or work, it is probably because your life and leadership aren’t being guided with purpose. You can get unstuck and find greater happiness and satisfaction in life or leadership when you are guided by your purpose.

What is your purpose?

Your purpose begins with your values! And when you connect your values to your strengths, passion, and desired impact, you will find your purpose. Values are the core beliefs you hold that shape how you see and interact with the world. Everything you do is driven by your values, which are formed by all of your life experiences like your childhood, family, community, culture, failures, successes, and opportunities.

Knowing your values, and understanding how they influence your life and leadership is just the first step, but the most important one. Once you have identified your values, you want to then identify your strengths, passions, and desired impact on others and the world. When you put them all together, your purpose will start to surface, and you will better understand how you can best live your life and lead others.

Maybe this seems too simple or farfetched, but I can assure you that when you don’t take the time to understand what is truly important to you, it is easy to get sidetracked, off track, and even totally derailed. Taking the time to reflect and identify your purpose is wickedly powerful.

Here are 4 Questions to help you identify your purpose:

What are your core values, those beliefs are essential to how you view the world and others?
What are your strengths?
What are you really passionate about?
What is the impact you want to have on others?

Go to a quiet place and take as much time as you need to answer these questions. Once you have the answers, compare those answers to how you are currently living and leading. If they are not aligned then you have an amazing opportunity to make some choices and changes so that your life and leadership are more aligned with your purpose.

Use your purpose to guide your life and leadership, and you will make choices and decisions with greater confidence and clarity. You will be more engaged and satisfied with what you do and have a greater impact on those around you.